Ilook at the name on the napkin again, Derek, and I try and remember whichone he was. Why am I doing that I think. I don't want to think aboutguys. I have no interest in guys, but why did I feel a little honored bythe fact that I was the only one who got a not one but two guy's numberslast night?We made it to the mall where we promptly found a bagel place. I ordereda bagel and a bottle of water. As good as coffee sounded right now, Iwas more dehydrated than anything. The oddest part of the wholeexperience, was Katie whispering in my ear what to order to fit in. Iknew I didn't want to draw attention to myself, but I kept thinking 'I'ma grown woman damn it! I know what I am doing.' When it dawned on mewhat I was saying I instantly froze. What am I thinking? I'm not awoman, I'm a man. But was this true? Was my psyche starting to changeand push Alex further back in my being?We sat down and ate our breakfast. It was when Jenny's phone beeped withan incoming text message that. All I could think of were those slutty girls at school who hang on the sports teams, servicing the players to be popular. I WAS NOT one of them and to be thought of in that sense made me ill and very disappointed in him. Our first night together I worried I ate my cone too sexy and blamed my own dirty, naughty mind. But, he was flagrant in what he was thinking here.I spun and knelt right on the table bench and bent to look him square in the face across the table."I'm not one of your little blowjob girls. I have shame and tact and don't like to be treated like a little harlot. I hurt and cried about missing you this afternoon, but not to be treated like this." I said spinning back around and looking the other way on the bench noticing the attention I drew from others, but I didn't care; he made me feel cheap.Phineas was speechless. He had absolutely no defense. He got up from his side of the bench and came around and stood in front of me to squat down."I'm so sorry Lucille; I really.
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